Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
