The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Randomize
