hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
