Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
