i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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