I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
