The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
