If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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