i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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