I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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