Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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