i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
