Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Found the puke drawer
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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