your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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