I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Come on in and take your pants off
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
