I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The power of my boobs compel you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
