oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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