Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
