how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
