Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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