Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
