I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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