I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
