We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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