1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
