Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
