just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
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I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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