I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
