I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
