things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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