I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
