yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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