i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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