Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
