I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
