I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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