Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
