the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
