I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
