i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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