i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
