Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
