just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
