i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
