We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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