she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
