My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
