fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
