So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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