Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sext me about skeletons
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
