I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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