are you still at the devil's house?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
