See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
