they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
