You're so nebulous sometimes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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