i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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