Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
