oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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