my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
