you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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