Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dignity is for republicans.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
