the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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