margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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