Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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