did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
