I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Someone signed my nipple.
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