I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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