I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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