Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
