woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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