Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
