so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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